Max: Renaissance Toddler
As proud grandparents, we were shocked and dismayed reading about the stranger who accosted Todd and insinuated that Max was something less than perfect, or at least something less than average. We knew that just wasn’t so. No bias here!
In keeping with our grand parenting obligations, we keenly observed Max in a multitude of situations in order to determine his aptitudes. One can’t start too soon! During our two last visits with Max and his parents, we saw countless indications that he has an incredibly bright future in a wide variety of occupations. Here is just a sample:
Undercover Librarian
This was a red-letter day for Max. Not only did he find 3 books inappropriately shelved in the children’s section, but he also identified a person who has eluded capture for months. Two-year-old Nathan Smith has stolen books by hiding them in his diaper bag. Max was delighted to point at Nathan as he was trying to make his get-away.
Park Ranger
It was no picnic for Max to lead his parents and grandparents down from a remote and treacherous mountain region. When the Kaplan party wearily re-encountered civilization, Max took a well-deserved nap.
Author
Here, Max is carefully scrutinizing his Grandpa’s handiwork. Shortly after this photo was taken, Max got impatient, put aside his piece of stale French bread, seized the crayons, and wrote and illustrated his first book, The Universe According to Max, vol. 1.
Talent Scout
Max is urging his Grandma to leave her humdrum existence amid the produce and hurry to the American Idol tryouts. He is confident that her utter lack of talent will set her apart and endear her to similarly untalented viewers. The piece of stale French bread is to tide them over until they receive the recording contract.
Marine Biologist
Ichthyologist
The San Francisco Museum of Science Aquarium provided Max with many opportunities to demonstrate his fitness to join the Cousteau Undersea Expedition Team. Above, you see Max teaching museum visitors that although clams don’t have legs, they indeed are our friends. To the left, Max is memorizing the scientific names of all the fish on display.
We were sad to hear from the Cousteau group that Max didn’t get chosen for the expedition. He lost out to a 3-year-old girl who had grown gills.
Household Organizer
Max is proud to be the first toddler who has earned the coveted Household Organizer Certificate of Authenticity. He won this award due to his design of a series of storage containers: Max’s Modules.
Sherpa
We were lucky to capture a picture of Max practicing for the final ascent of Everest. Note that he is making this attempt without the aid of oxygen.
Hostage Negotiator
Max demonstrates his skills during a desperate situation at the Grass Valley International Food Expo. As seen in this exclusive, on-the-scene photo, Max is gaining the trust of dastardly fiends holding 12 hostages. He shows that they have nothing to fear because he is unarmed except for a piece of stale French bread.
Food Critic
Here, Max expertly contemplates the rating he will give the yogurt he is sampling. Between tastings, he cleanses his palate with a few Cheerios.
And that’s not all! He has capitalized on his growing popularity among foodies and initiated the research necessary to launch his signature cookware line by 2012. TV offers are pouring in.
We won’t be hearing from Max in the next few weeks. He has been called to the Gulf Coast
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