A letter to Max for the future

Dear Max,

Are you reading this blog? It's 10:40 pm on December 29, 2008, but I'm guessing you are looking at this far in the future. You are perhaps running for President and you are vetting this blog for any dirt on you. So let me tell you about your diaper changes.

We are carefully keeping track of all bowel movements, not for our own scientific curiosity, but because it's an indication of whether or not you're getting enough nutrition. Problem is, it's really hard to count, because we can't tell where one ends and another begins. You've given an endless stream of poop and pee for hours. We signed up for a diaper service on Friday, and got, we were told, a 10-day supply of diapers. Well, it's 3 days later and they're almost gone. They gave you "newborn" sized diapers. We may have to switch to adult incontinence pads and duct-tape them on you.

With love,

-Todd and Delia

Order in the madness?

Max: A retrospective journey

Max is supervised almost all the time, which makes me in awe of how he is able to get to the computer, log in, check my blog for parenting theories, and execute a plan to make me look like an idiot. The first casualty was the routine 3-4 hour feedings we talked about - he feeds voraciously and often. Also, Max is apparently an adrenaline junkie. Just like ravens apparently fly right in front of cars in a game of chicken, Max will wake us up and every 15 minutes or so at night just to see if we'll keep him alive. The worst incident happened a couple nights ago.

Initially, Max treated the diaper change with the same intensity I'd use if my leg was amputated and only calmed down after his new clothes were on. We had to approach diaper changing like an Indy 500 pit stop. Thankfully, after a couple days he relaxed and even stopped his poopy diaper crying when we put him on the changing table. But, at 2:15 am or so last night, he stopped crying on the changing table, only to start hysterically crying when I put the new diaper on him and put his clothes on. He stopped crying again when I took his diaper off, then repeated the hysterics the next time I put his clothes on. Only much later did I remember that I forgot to clean him before I put the new diaper on.

Umm..update.

In case anyone is following this blog.....Hello? Hello!?!?!? Max seems to be settling in, at least for now. Recently he developed a pretty no-nonsense personality: "Now I'm gonna make it short and sweet. You change my poopy diapers and feed me, you and I will get along just fine. Screw this up and you'll regret ever being born. WAAAAAH!!!!"

We took him on his second car trip to the doctor, which required bundling him up:
He got weighed and it looks like he's back to his birth weight. (For the uninitiated, babies can lose up to 10% of their birth weight before the mothers' milk comes in.)

We also started Max on a strict exercise regimen. The reason, again for the uninitiated, is that babies these days spend all their time on their back to prevent SIDS. However, this means lots of muscles in the babies' backs and necks don't get developed as well as they would if they were on their stomach. Also I am known as a workout sadist. So our first exercise is to get Max on his stomach. Max is shown below in the middle of his workout:

The second exercise is to put him on a "boppy" which forces him to lift his head. Again, Max in action:


For those who naturally ask, "Is Max dead?" I assure you he isn't. Delia and her mom are currently trying to give him a sponge bath, and I suspect you can hear him in your city. In any case, here are some photos of him awake (or at least with us getting his eyes open somehow):

During this time Delia's mom and dad have helped with lots of cooking and looking after Max so we can sleep. Note Delia no longer looks like a vampire.

Delia's mom and dad stayed up with Max until 2am last night, which gave Delia and I a precious 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep - the best sleep since our friends Walter and Kace let me sleep in their house while Delia was recovering in the hospital.

The experiments

We brought Max home and we've learned quite a bit:  First, we had no idea how much effort and planning it took to reheat spaghetti and eat it when you have a baby.  Or anything, for that matter.  Max is sleepier in the morning, so that's probably the best time to run errands, drink water, breathe, etc.  BTW, to those many, many people we have undoubtebly offended by not returning calls, forgetting our kid's name (as I did once when I was really tired), etc.  we'll get better at this.  

So here is a picture of Delia next to a happily sleeping Max:

The casual observer would simply see a generic photo of mother and baby.  A more alert reader may wonder why a hairdryer is next to Max.  An experienced parent would know there was trouble.  In fact, on this night at 1:20 am, Max would only be calmed by the sound of a hair dryer and Todd left it on several hours while he tried to sleep.  (Delia went to the other room.  She had way more success.)  "The Happiest Baby on the Block" said that white noise imitates what's in the uterus, which explains its soothing effect.  In this vein, here's another photo.

This shows Max listening to the soothing sounds from http://www.soundsleeping.com/, which has a mix of noises from a bonfire, rain, etc.  It seems to work, but in fact we've noticed whatever works today does not work tomorrow as Max learns our attempts to foil his crying.

I've (Todd) soothed him by looking at him, making eye contact and singing.  He will look at me, baby to father, for a little while, and then start bawling uncontrollably.  I should brush my teeth first.

Our first foray into actions that will land Max in Child Protection is to feed him every four hours or even longer - way outside very strict instructions from the nurses to feed every 2-3 hours.  Why are we refusing to do something that will clearly make Max eat more?  Below is the result of my attempt to wake Max for a feeding after about 3 hours.  I removed his swaddle so he can flail around, removed his clothes so he'll get uncomfortable and shiver, poke his lower back, etc. and in general followed the nurses' recommendations.  

    Not too effective.  Even when he does wake up, he'll feed maybe 10 minutes before falling asleep.  Then, given that it takes so long to wake him up, we'd actually have to start at the 2-hour mark to get him feeding in 3 hours.  So I think we'd just be training Max to eat lightly and develop insomnia.  If we wait 4 hours instead, Max wakes up more easily and is pretty ravenous.  He'll feed 30-45 minutes instead of 10 (so I think he's actually eating more.)  And we can sleep (hopefully).  His weight is good, he's soiling his diapers at about the right rate, and he's not getting jaundice, so we'll stick with the plan for now. 

The main event

It's now 5:53 pm on December 23.  Max Jacob Kaplan entered the world 9:05 am December 21.  It was about 8pm on December 19 that we entered the hospital, and we just got back.  Before we get to the main event, I (Todd - Delia's still recovering) should mention the delivery because, well, it's a big part of the birth.  And it was hellish.  I'll just give the highlights.

1)  We live 1 hour away from the Kaiser hospital in Sacramento where she's giving birth.  So, to be safe, we drove to the hospital to have Delia checked out before we went back.

2)  The Kaiser doctor thought she was in labor and needed to be checked in.  Here's Delia! Isn't she excited?

We realized over the next 36 hours that she was nowhere near ready to deliver.

3)  We weren't going home.  The doctor soon found evidence of an umbilical cord below the baby's head.  Since this could potentially have been life-threatening if Delia's water broke and the head smashed the umbilical cord, she had to be constantly monitored and bedridden.  To prepare for a possible C-section, she wasn't even allowed water - just ice and an I.V. tube.  At this point, she ain't coming out.  Then again, her body wasn't ready to deliver either.  Thank God for medical intervention to induce labor.

4)  Over the next 34 hours (we were thinking it might be around eight), doctors administered pitocin to try to move the baby down slowly, then when that didn't work, broke her water in the surgery room to deal with any problems with the umbilical cord (thank God there weren't any - it went to the side of Max's head) and to induce labor, and then when the water breaking didn't do anything, administered yet more pitocin in a painfully slow process.  We tried to sleep through constant nurse visits and a malfunctioning IV monitor that beeped every 10 minutes.  Our best rest, and I am not kidding, occured during a fire alarm.

5)  After Delia's 34-hour fast, she had to push for 2.5 hours lying on her back, which is now known as the most painful and least effective pushing position.  She's ready to faint.  The next photo shows the nurse who helped her.  She's sadistic.  Have you had an aerobics instructor who says "OK, just four more!  Four!  Three!  Two!  And...One!  OK, now 6 more!!"  That's this lady.  On the other hand, despite the obvious ensuing trust issues, she did very well to assist.

It was amazing that everything worked out exactly like the nightmare scenerio given in our childbirth class.  Because of the umbilical cord, we don't regret coming in.  However, both of us agree if we were in the same situation again, we'd just insist on a C-section and go home.

 

OK, where was I..we have the pain, now here's the gain:  Delia with the new man in her life.

Thankfully, Delia's recovering and has her color back.  

Here's me posing with him:

And here's Delia's mom, Agi:

Max was 7 lbs, 8.4 ounces, and was 20.5 inches long.  I was really surprised Max was that big given the premature delivery, but I guess I shouldn't be - Delia and I were both heavy babies.  

The only good thing that came out of this (besides Max) was we were forced to stay longer in the hospital to monitor Delia and the baby, given the ordeal they went through.  Even though it meant more sleepless nights (we were next to two colicy babies) we learned a lot from the nurses about baby care.

To those of you who don't have kids, take it from somone who didn't understand why anyone would want them:  I'm absoutely amazed how quickly I was smitten by him.  I hated babies.  Really.  Only a few days ago, Max was just a lump in Delia's belly and I was wondering if there was any way to stall the pregnancy.  Now I see him and I actually felt my brain change.  The first time the male nurse showed me how to burp Max and his head was on my shoulder ("his" from now on referring to Max and not the nurse), Max got restless, yanked his head back so he was upright, turned his head and stared straight at me.  Absolutely unforgettable.

I lied

Actually, we have an update.  We put together our crib and mobile (courtesy of Todd's mom) and funky 70's bedding (courtesy of Delia's mom, through TJ Maxx.)  Here it is, complete with model:

Everything's on time, with the small exception of our baby.

Introduction

Hello, everyone!  This is our new blog, which will help you answer pressing questions, like:

• How's your baby doing???
• Isn't he adorable??!???
• How is Todd doing with parenting?
• Todd should know better than hold the baby that way.  What is he thinking?
• Should I call Child Support?

It's inspired by Kace and Walter's blog but has some important differences, helpfully outlined here:

Kace  Todd & Delia

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Publication  Daily  Biannually

Template             Circles                     Whatever Kace chose

Photos?               Yes  Maybe, if you're deserving

Tone  Slick and urbane  Folksy, down-home country

Information  Useful  Misleading

Oh yes, how are we?  Fine, thanks.

With that, we shall make our first post.  Enjoy the next update, schedule in December 21, 2010.